I know that one day I won't be so angry. And one day I won't feel so hurt. And one day it won't matter what some other girl has that I don't that he is looking for. And it won't feel like if only I had just done something different I wouldn't have to feel so hurt.
It made me laugh: here I am thinking that I'm the mature one because I am willing/want to work on myself and he doesn't "want" to; in actuality, he thinks he's perfect just the way he is. And I want to change myself. That's not mature, that's just lacking self-confidence!!! I've heard we get attracted to what we're not, which explains why I would consistently be attracted to confident, cocky, asshole guys. So I wonder if/when/how I'll be able to break that pattern. Ha! He wants to be single because he likes himself and he wants to enjoy himself. I don't care about being single because I must not actually enjoy myself!!!! What the hell???!!!
I want to video myself and see what it's like to be around me. Maybe I should compliment people more. It resonates with me that we need to be grateful and forgive people. Those two things can help us change our aura. How do I forgive him without self-deprecating? I suppose I just forgive him for hurting me. I was hurt. There's no self-deprecation in that. I am hurt. So badly. So badly I can feel it. He did that. Yes, it's my feeling and I own it, but I wouldn't feel it without his action. I have to forgive him for hurting me. I have to be able to let it go. I have to move on.
Let me try it:
"I forgive you. I understand that things just didn't work out between us. I am thankful for the good times we had, and I am thankful for the love you gave me. Thank you for coming into my life. I forgive you, it's ok."
I just wrote "Bullshit" and then deleted it.
Wow, I reread it and I feel lighter. Manifesting your own destiny...
